Chugga Chugga Chugga...

We are trucking along this dreaded phase. We are creeping up on halfway of our second week of steroids. We are done with the M,T,W dreaded Bactrim. That is in place to avoid pneumonia, but it is big and our arch enemy at this point. She is not yet STARVING and not sleeping. Since we are on one week on and one off pulses, the side effects are delayed (Thank God). But, we are literally on the downward slide of the first part of this phase and I am feeling better already.

HOWEVER, we are in the bubble phase of things. Her ANC is at 200, which is LOW. Under 500 is very open to infection. SO, we are home. Crafts, games, cooking. You name it. All while keeping the boys from wrestling to a disaster. I am just making it and when Jeff comes home, I am outta here on a good day. Some days I need to be here, but it takes a toll on me. But, I figured I can handle me after this phase, because it is time.

 I had coffee with a new friend the other day and it was SO good for my soul. Adult talk, open air, fresh things to gab about. I needed it. She is wonderful and I love when you meet someone that makes it click. With no effort. It just does. It was a gentle reminder to take care of myself. I know that is easier said than done, but it does matter. I have ordered and received Young Living Oils and had a friend come over to teach me the ways. I am in square one, so I took notes for my journey with them in depth down the road. But for now, I sleep with lavender and made some rollers to help with my TMJ and calming and peace blend. I ingested a drop of Frankincense today and that was a step too much. Atleast under the tongue. Nope, yuck, blah. I am on my 3rd cup of applesauce to wipe that flavor right away. Running is a come and go with me. I really enjoy loud music classes at the gym, but yeah. Enough said. Jeff ordered a treadmill for himself because he had started his new job which is a lot of driving and eating out with clients which shifted his eating habits in a bigger pants size way. We just decided to bite the bullet and sure enough he is back on his new normal saddle in a healthy way. Which I am using the treadmill as well and it is no lake run, but it will do.

So, needless to say I am trying to find my balance again. My me. I think as moms we struggle with this as is. But, my life shifted so hard and fast that I will be a better support system if I can make sense of my core happiness. Do you guys feel this way? Like a tune up on your car. Sometimes you have to add and change different things to keep it up and running like a fancy car with a smooth ride (with seat warmers). I love a good seat warmer. Anyways. I had a five year old begging that I find buttons for his art project. SO, duty calls! Pray or me that this oil taste leaves my mouth and I can stop ingested applesauce. Small goals, right?! I will check back in when we hit our second mini phase. But until then, Merry Christmas and sending my love to you all.

I am thankful for you.

-Jenn

Christmas is Here...

Well. Shit. The second I said November was flying by, it stopped and moved at a snail's pace. I guess that is what I get for being all vocal about such a thing! Anywho. We made it. December is here. My kids are beaming because of Elf on the Shelf and we officially get the show on the road around here. I usually don't decorate until then, but our new neighborhood is blowing up with some lights and inflatable Christmas characters. I mean, the day after Thanksgiving followed with decorated stop signs all done by volunteers in the neighborhood. I LOVE IT! Anyways, my kid looked at me like I had a third eye with my delayed decorating rule. The inflatable turkey came down and the inflatable Santa came up (Shout out to Sarah and Amy for gifting these things to us). I am not a spirited decorator by any means for holidays. Don't get me wrong. I like a really pretty set up, but the whole house does not turn into a winter wonderland. Fast forward to my children. They are made with elves blood. They want to sit on candy cane chairs and insert a jolly bit of cheer to every square inch of this house. Some of my teacher friends share this spirit and understand my predicament. So, they always add to my collection to hold my children over with glee and spirit. I am trying to please their needs, but I guess their spirit counterparts can see I need help. Ahhh.....what friends are for!

EG has absolutely nailed this last phase of meds. And I don't like to use the word chemo. I don't know why. I almost don't want to give them my attention and it is such a packed word, with so much story behind it. So, around here we say meds. Whatever helps, right?! She is starting her next phase on Monday and I have come to a good place to get it on the road. No more panicking..no more assuming the worst. The nurses just hold my hand and say take it one day at a time. I have a doctor on call 24/7 and I will just monitor a fever, which is what we have to look out for. Then we go from there. We can handle this. She has not had any issues this far (big ones by any means), so I will hold tight to that bit of glorious news and march into this with a spirit of confidence. My friends and family are in this with us and I feel like we can make the home stretch of this treatment, get to maintenance and then get into a settled routine that starts to look like a little normalcy!

I suppose that is it around here. I am feeling pretty stretched thin with EVERYONE (except me of course!) having a cold, including Jeff who had it the worst. I am drained down. So, he scheduled me a message for the morning to get my kink out of my neck. Rub hard sister friend. Rub hard!

I am finding the sunshine these days in spurts and my Lordy, it is good to see her again.

Until Next Time

-Jenn