Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Holy Mother of ....

Ok...let's play a game. Imagine a brick wall. Maybe even a double lined, red brick wall. With a lot of cement slathered on between each brick. Man. A very fit girl ( girl can dream, right?) is trying her best to get the grip at the top of this wall and not slip slowly back down. As I imagine we all are. Just grab the damn brick on top...do it. Stupid wind comes and takes her down a notch. Ok. Do you have the visual in your head? Well. That wall is life and the person is me (so deep huh?) and the wind is life's surprises that show up every now and again and make your head spin. I had started another blog entry this morning but had a big gust of wind sweep through today and so, here I am with that side of things. My oldest had a health scare today. We are not out of the woods, but things are looking up. I don't know if it is my PTSD kicking in, but I do NOT handle those winds very well. I called Jeff to come home and he is like on his second day of kick starting his sales job. Ugh. But, I literally go weak and sling shot my brain ten steps down the road of the worst case scenerario. Ok, I need real talk here. Do you guys do this? Am I screwed up for life because I had a really awful, freak situation happen in my life and now I have to go back to that space when something happens unexpected? I HATE it about myself. And I try to be kind to my myself on these types of issues, but word to your mamma...it ain't good. Sweating, pacing, trying desperately to not speed up my breathing because then kicks in the anxiety attack. I mean bad, y'all. Where are you at here? Just me or you with me on some level. I need a gauge because I may need to seek out my "calm down Dr. friend" to work on my copping skills. So, moral of the story. I am whipped emotionally and I want to improve this about myself. Thanks for hearing me out and chiming in on how you cope with fast and sometimes scary news. Hint, hint:)

So, can we change the subject, please? My cute teacher friend, Ginger, texted me today and she stumbled across this blog! Say what?!I love it and even though my summer writing has dwindled, I couldn't love that more. Hey girl. Those precious babies keeping you busy over there?! I appreciate you reading this silly thing:)

Also, I need to catch you guys up on my surprise girls trip and my cute house that we FINALLY got moved in to. We have really put some time into creating a happy and simple space and I must say, I am feeling it. My friend Schubert keeps telling me that it is so me and I take that as such a compliment because my vision is coming to life. Jeff is throwing in his vision too, but somehow I keep winning that battle! Ha, poor man is stuck with me. Love you, honey.

But Soon, these happy little things will come out on here and hopefully with pictures.

Alright folks. Man, I need the sunshine to calm myself after a trying day, however this outlet has helped. You people are a bright spot and I love you for being here, even when I take time off to tend to children and move. Whew. Blog besties unite! Love.

Until next time.
-Jenn

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Get it Together...

Summmmerrrrrr time and the livin's easy. ... . ...

Well hello strangers. Sorry I have been out of commission these last few weeks, but all in the spirit of good. Right? How do I get stressed over the good? I mean. Perhaps that my nerves go on edge when things start to ruffle and shuffle. Now, I have been wanting to shake things up to start a new us, but now I am rocking in the corner when it starts to happen. I think I will get up from the corner soon. But, I may need to put my tattoo goal on hold because I might need to digest my last month first!

Are you ready to hear all the business going on in our little lives? Jeff got the job. Praise the Lord. This is what we knew HAD to happen in order to tip over that first domino. Well. He has started and we have real insurance, he has a company car, and is officially going into the office everyday. Things just got real. So, we have to get a house fast to get the kids near the school that we all love. Now, if you know anything about loans. Folks don't like to give money to people who switch careers completely. I suppose the risk jumps up to a 1,000 percent of a poor decision in the bank world. I work long hours, but I am paid in kisses and hugs. Apparently the modern day loan program doesn't feel like I am a good candidate either. In other words...HURRRRRYYYY. We found a house we loved and made our offer quick and enticing before Jeff's contract was up. Well. Our plan worked. We were under contract and this couple was in a rush to get out of the house, so it worked out. We are going to lease our current home, so we had the freedom to Go, Go, Go! However, I didn't have time to process much. I felt like we were just printing out our entire lives and handed it over and I was still trying to figure out if it was a good move for us. Jeff kept his eye on the prize and talked me through it, but damn, I felt like I was spinning.

Well, I was spinning actually. In the middle of this two week whirlwind, I had a random moment of crazy in Target. I had all three kids and I was doing a quick sweep of snacks for the little people. In and out type of thing. You know those huge shopping carts that hold two sitters in front of the cart? They are like pushing a tanker truck, but it helps my children complain of aching legs. Because you know, walking around Target takes SO much out of you. BUT, whatever, the choo-choo cart is how we roll, no matter how obnoxious. Long story short, I accidentally run into a kid (say 12 or so) and his mom as they were looking at the deli section. Don't get me wrong, I was the one to blame and she tells me that they were there first and I ran them off. I was so caught off guard that I just apologize and try to figure out how I missed running into two big people. I come to the conclusion that my mind was in house buying world. I felt bad but I guess it was the last straw of my sanity. I starting tearing up and I could NOT STOP CRYING. Nolan asked why my eyes were red and he bought that my make up was running, but ol' EG knew I was crying. However, she was stumped because we were still in Target. I am even confused myself by this scenario. I decide to abort this place, but I needed the snacks in my cart. I NEEDED the snacks for the summer vultures at my house like in an hour.

Don't you worry. I walk up to check out right behind the lady that snapped at me. I felt weird not saying anything so I just caught her attention and told her that the insane cart needed a special license and I was not up for renewal. I then just said, I am so sorry. Right or wrong, I obviously got in their space. She just laughed and said she remembered the days of young children and I remember nothing else of what she said. I started crying AGAIN. I apparently couldn't hold a conversation just yet. I just slowly turned around and walked off sup supping and walked directly to the light bulb section. Who can cry with a variety of bulbs in your face? Well. It worked. I pulled myself together and  got out of there in one piece, with snacks! SO, when I say I was not handling the stress in peace, you know I am not telling a lie.

Now. We have Jeff in a new career, a new house, a house we are going to rent out and as of today....I am going to work at a local church school. I have decided that I am ready to enter this world again and R and I will do it together. I will teach a 4 year old class and my main man will be attending this school as well. It is a Mother's Day Out type thing and I am SO excited to start this new chapter.

Can you say...Starting over??? My baby bud is just chatting away and becoming such a big boy. He truly makes me so proud every day. I am also enjoying my bigs being home this summer and we are trying to pack up this house, all while trying to not cry in Target. Small goals people. Small goals! How is your summer going? I need details!

Until Next Time, find that sunshine but make sure you have SPF 50 on while doing it. Geesh.

-Jenn

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Summer Countdown...

Hi guys. Sorry I missed a week in there. Summer is fast approaching and we are cray, just like the rest of you. I have a crazy summer kicking in. I have been a prepper for these months since February and so it seems surreal that it is almost go time. First off, my main honey bun got his dream job in sales. He is official and we could not be more excited to start this new avenue in the game of life. He gets a few weeks off between jobs to kick his heels up and so of course I pack it as full as I can. The guy doesn't stand a chance with quiet time, but I will throw in a Netflix party of some Bloodline to make it worth his fancy.  And if he negotiates with me, I just might give him a House of Cards Netflix original. Look, I could totally be in the business world. I am practicing the lingo and the act of business stuff. I could fit in his new world at any second. You are welcome, sweets:)

In honor of the new paycheck and new idea of vacation time in a few week increments, I got on vrbo.com and found a condo in Galveston in approximately seven minutes. I guess I was feeling the ocean breeze in my hair already, because we were booked by minute eight. We even bamboozled my in-laws and mom to join us to make this two night stay as fun and crazy as possible. Now, don't think I am done with my agenda yet.

When I get back on Wednesday, I am on go time. You are looking at the Master of Ceremony to the Annual Mystery Girls Trip, round 8. I have put it off until I was backed in a corner of being the last man standing kind of thing. However, my sista Sarah can out wait me by a landslide, so I am in charge this year. She is the closer on us all by planning next year. The rules are as follows: You pay $350.00 in February and we go on the same assigned weekend every year. The location has to include a body of water of some sort and lots of good food and spirits. We have to get creative on food since our budget is so low, which is fine. The organizer just has to do some prepping to have the meals pre-made and easy squeezy. It is awesome and this weekend gets a proper countdown every year. Nine ladies that pack a bag and know nothing about where their weekend is headed is so exciting. I will make them do crazy things this year and they HAVE to do it. Whhaaaaa.....ahhhhh.ahhhhh!😎The power!

After that, we slide into volleyball and soccer camp and things just get fun and free. I am ready for summer and my baby cakes R is just becoming a real little guy. He is talking up a storm and telling me things that he wants and where he wants to go. I am enjoying this phase of the game and we are just the best of buds. I am well aware the two year old crazies are rearing their head in him, so I am enjoying it as it comes.

I am sending all my love out into the universe today for a few of you guys that are facing your own battles right now. Keep trucking and find that sunshine, even i it is for a little while. Love to you all.

Until Next Time.

-Jenn

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

And Just Like That...

And just like that, my frown has been turned upside down. I look back on last weeks post and feel like it was forever ago. Man. I guess those rotten times make you stop and appreciate when the good rolls in. So, I will try to explain this without mixing it all up. Stand tough. I will try to summarize at the end if it gets too confusing.
I received a call from a bill collection agency that we had an outstanding bill from R's brain surgery in October. It is a $4,800 bill from the anathealogist. I actually remember her. She was good. Very invested in the kids and has been in the business for thirty plus years.  With life comes the price of good. She was out of network of our insurance. This bill has gone round and round through me, the CVC, back to me, back to Children's Hospital. I am talking for months. The doctors want us to fight our insurance company. The insurance company is saying, "We don't care, now go away", and the CVC just lost all the paperwork and is requesting it again to start the three month review all over again. (Are your eyeballs melting into your skull yet?) So, in an effort to stop the madness, I call the CVC and wait my 2 days to get my return call. I better have my phone on hand or that is a tragic miss. Mr. Robert calls and tells me that the CVC reviewed the bill and the bill does not match up to paperwork. Hmmm, makes zero sense to me, but let me call the doctor's office and pass this on to them. As I explain this to the secretary/office manager, she gets irritated and starts in on how the paperwork adds up and is a bit cranky about the situation, which I get. Mind you that I am lifeless about it all. This woman could throw a fit and I would have remained dead on the inside (This is my survival mode of insurance and bill work). Anywho, she gruffly asks what happened to this child, and I unleash the waterworks. I have no idea where my weeping (well, I do...but it was out of the blue) came from. So, I sup sup my way through our story, in a quick main idea way and the irritated woman grew wings of an angel. She stopped and spoke out of anger towards the situation,  compassion for my mamma's heart, understanding that I have spent over a year dealing with insurance confusion. After she comforted me, she boldly told me that the bill was wiped. She advised that I go take care of my child and that the insurance paid a small percentage of  our bill and that would do. I could not stop crying. I didn't have the wit to ask her name or if she could advise such a thing. A part of me wonders if the doctor picked up the phone that day. However it happened, I will forever remember that moment of grace. I couldn't sleep that night because I kept wondering if I had dreamed it up. I wrote a letter to the whole office and the doctor the next day. I included a picture of my big guy and hope that she gets it. Because wow. Just wow.

So, that turned my cranky mood around really fast and then good things just started rolling in. My hubs killed his 3rd round of interviews and we are really feeling like this career dream might be turning into a reality. I am so excited to see his spirits lift and we really feel like we are making some bold and exciting changes that make my stomach hurt, but are so worth it in the end.

I JUST got a good sized check in the mail for insurance overflow payments from Children's Hospital that will help cover some house drama we have had these last few months. I can not make this stuff up. When does that happen? I am going to deposit it in the bank today before they want it back!

Talk about the rollercoaster rolling on a crazy course. I better put my hair up because it is a loop to looping too fast for me to stay still. Moral of the story. Feel sorry for yourself when you need to, but get over it because good things will eventually come your way. And trust. I have had a string of the sky dumping mud on my white dress for a long time now. So, with a little hesitation, I believe in the good happening from time to time to balance it out. Slowly step out for the sunshine and things will look up. Right? Any good news out there to join the fun? I would love to hear it to keep the mojo going.

Until next time.

-Jenn




Monday, May 8, 2017

Bad Mood...

Well, hello there. It appears Mondays are my days to sit down and write. That just sort of happened. I love a natural sync and there we have it...come see me on Mondays! Misty, I know you will be here:)))

SOOO, I am in a mood. I can't really talk about what happened but it has put me in a bad mood. An angry mood. And there isn't one thing I can do about it but get over it. I once had a college volleyball coach give me some advice I still use til this day. We were scrimmaging in a practice and I was matched up with the biggest girl on our team, sizing up to be around 6'2". Mind you guys I am 5'7" and she was a powerhouse. I had a strong arm, but man my height was tiny in a Division 2 college sport. (This MIGHT be the reason I didn't get much time in the actual games, but whatevs!) I was trying my little heart out to swing past this girl. She was blocking me left and right (of course she was, but I was the little engine that could). Practice ended and I was so mad. I was leaving swollen up and red and he pulled me aside and simply told me, "Feel sorry for yourself tonight and wake up tomorrow and get over it." At the time I thought that was silly advice, but it stuck with me. So, I felt really sorry for myself this past Wednesday night, but I am now just in a bad mood. But, I suppose it is a step to moving on in our situation and I guess I just need to get it over with. I know this doesn't make much sense, but just know that we are still waiting on our last piece of the puzzle to be resolved in this case with my sweet R. I will need a night out when this is all said and done and I am hopeful that it will end in our favor. OK. Enough of that. Time to move on from that topic of crazy.

My mood could also be based on the uncertainty of our near future. Jeff has rolled the dice and is possibly trying his hand in a new career and this is a domino effect to if we move, if I need to go back to work, if I need to stay at home, and should R start a little class to be around other kids. I mean. My head is swirling and I am over it. We have prepared ourselves for option A), B), and C), but dang...waiting is brutal. That also might be the root of my bad mood. I am trying to have faith that we will be where we are supposed to be, but I never said I was patient at the process. Good night almighty, just let me know already so I can get my ducks in a row. Blah. See? I am just Debbie Downer right now and I suppose I will give myself the day, but after that, "GET OVER IT" and just move on. I will get some news when it comes and then I can do what I need to do with it. However, if someone could tell my jaw to relax and stop clenching, that would be great too.

Well, I am sorry if you leave here in a crankier mood than when you arrived. I usually can find the sunshine and the positive side, but this week may not be the case. So y'all find it for me and hopefully by next week I will be back and better than ever:) If you have any tips for me to snap out of a good ol' fashion bad mood, feel free to share. I might need a new mantra to add to my collection.

Until Next Time.

-Jenn

Monday, May 1, 2017

Sweet, Sweet Baby Jake...

I wasn't sure that I was going to get into my continued struggles after all of my baby drama, but my dad showed up to say hello. And I couldn't resist sharing. So, now I will go on with my sweet, sweet baby Jake. My sweet border collie/lab went to be with Pops three months after his passing.  My kids were very sure of the fact that he wanted to be with Pops. I liked the idea of them being together and my dad chasing Jake, both free of disease. My Jake was my buddy and he literally built this family with us.

Jeff and I got Jake when we had been married for about four months. I had been dropping hints of getting a dog but we were renting and that always gets a little hairy when you bring a pet into a rental property. I had Doodles in the house already, so that seemed to hold over my animal love! Until my birthday hit and Jeff gave me a gift in a puppy gift bag and i just milked it for all it was worth and pretended to make him think that the gift inside was just a bonus gift and that the gift bag was my puppy gift! A real live puppy gift. He was so caught off guard and didn't have the heart to turn down my excitement that we packed up and went up to the shelter. He had buckled and we were on the hunt for a new family member! I can remember going into the shelter and seeing face after face and my heart just bleeding all over the floor for these sweet dogs. The lady led us out to the little yard area and there was a litter of black and white bundles of energy. There were about six of them and this one little fur ball walked up to Jeff with a tennis ball in his mouth, barely able to stretch it wide enough for the ball. And Jeff stands up and says, "This is the one." I was beyond thrilled that he had found our baby because he was so very sweet to embark on this adventure with me. Ok. We found our new puppy. Let's call him Jake!

They had to do all the puppy things at the shelter and I could pick him up on Tuesday. Boy was he a HOT MESS when I got there to take him home. He was a nut and I had a small panic attack that we had gotten in over our heads with this wild and excited pup. I feel like you always question what you have done when you get a new animal. Well, this time was no different! After we got him settled and potty trained and he and Jeff became loyal walkers together. And the full energy breed beat Jeff and it turned into running mates. Jake could go on forever, and Jeff got into marathon running as a result. I love it. Jake was our buddy that welcomed all three of our kids, moved approximately four times, made it through an ACL surgery, sat with my dad the day he he his stroke (he just happened to be over there that day), slept in bed with me, and so many more warm and fuzzy baby Jake memories.  His demise was quick. I took him in for a bum leg, thinking arthritis was the culprit. No. It wasn't. A scan showed a tumor in his spine that was shutting down his legs. He was ten and a half and he told us when it was time to go be with Pops. So, my mom, Jeff, and I once again said good-bye to a loved one and I balled like a baby. I think it all just came out because I was done being strong. We kissed our buddy good-bye and I still miss him every day.

I mean. I had thrown my hands up at that point. I gave up. I couldn't try to figure out my recent year and I still to this point remember just being limp. I guess it was a pretty big low that sparked my surge to begin my healing because I couldn't stay so sad anymore. Baby Jake and Pops didn't want that and really, this is where the blog kicked in. Full circle, right here! I have to confess to Jake that we tore down his doghouse yesterday because we were housing a raccoon. It was pooping in our yard and finding great shelter in his big ol' squishy house. I do not need a need fur baby in raccoon form, so that was that. E and N want to put up a memorial plant for Jake and I think that sounds lovely.

I need to go find the sunshine today. This weather makes it so easy because Spring is the BEST!

Until next time.

-Jenn

Sunday, April 23, 2017

My Pops...

Do you ever get going on the day to day movements of your life and feel like you are on auto-pilot? You make lunches, snacks, wash this, clean that. And it isn't anything I mind doing, but I do it with no thought. And to be honest, this is a welcomed state of being for now. I spent A LOT of time in the last year and a half, analyzing every step of my day. Plotting what needed to be done and why. I have really worked on not over thinking things, which often led to worrying about small stuff. But, I am not sure that I want to phase out completely either. I guess balance is the key. To be present, but without questioning my next chess move. Does that make sense? Either way, it is nice to sing along in the car again and do something without thinking deeply about how it will lead into my next point of action. Bless. My brain is exhausted.

I was having a day of cleaning (which thanks to the flea spotting last week, my house has never been so dang clean)! I have scrubbed every inch and I believe we are back in the saddle. You are welcome Doodles (insert my eyes cutting to the side and pinching my lips together). Point being, when I clean I turn on my "OK Google" dome and hit up Pandora. I have my ol' faithful stations of Willie Nelson, Justin Timberlake, Johnny Cash, and Dixie Chicks. On two different stations, the song "Just Breathe" came on (Redone by Willie Nelson from Pearl Jam), which is my pops dropping to say hello.

Listen Below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ow-Cx9IX4So


My dad had a massive stroke three months after my first born daughter was with us. He was still in bed when my mom went to work and apparently when he tried to get up that morning he had his stroke. My mom didn't come home until that evening and he had laid there all day:( So, we missed a the chance to give him the shot that reverses the effects of a stroke. He spent years going to rehabs and living in places that focused on the recovery portion after an injury or stroke. I remember taking my tiny, new baby out to Melissa to PATE recovery center every Sunday to see him. Fast forward to almost seven years later and he passed away in a nursing home with my mom and myself as his cheerleaders to let him go in November of last year. My dad had lost a lot of his brain function and physical movement with the stroke, so recovering was really hard. He made some gains, but he was just as content watching TV and taking it easy. Mr. John was not a big adventure seeker. Give the man a beer and an episode of Gunsmoke and he was in Heaven.

I watched him decline SLOWLY and in and out of the hospital, as well as more surgeries than desired. He had fought the good fight for as long as he could. Man oh man. He was with a feeding tube, a urination tube through his belly button, as well as paralysis on his right side of his body, and limited speech at the end. So, I was actually happy he could leave that state of being behind when he passed away, but with that brought back memories of when he was well. My dad. My healthy, talking, walking Pops. So on this day of cleaning, not thinking about a thing and clear of thoughts, my dad snuck in to say hi with my favorite song that we played at his funeral. I was emotional about it because I was so happy to get the old pops in my mind and heart. It had been a long time that I have been able to talk to that guy because when I would visit him over the last 7 years, it was as a caretaker.  But now, I feel like I have my dad back and he was using my quiet as a way to reach out. So, i have listened to that song probably 15 times and will keep doing it as long as I still get a smile out of the deal. It's nice to see you again, dad.:) Let's do it again soon.

On a totally different note, I want to say how excited I was when I saw that seven hundred page views had met this blog. I am not sure if that is a blip on the World Wide Web or not, but hopefully one of those views helped someone, somewhere find strength about something. Like I have said before, that is what I can only do at this point. I now have a musical theme song when I go find the sunshine and it could not be a more perfect scene. I like it. I am on board!

Do you guys have a theme song? If so, I need to hear it. Loud and obnoxiously blasting on my Google player. I have a feeling my cleaning phase will stay on high alert until I can double assure myself that Doodles is home free. (Insert: cutting my eyes at the cat. I am still mad about it all.)

Until next time.

-Jenn