Blink...Just Blink...

I am spying on Ellie and her homebound teacher, so I figured I would sit at the bar and be busy on the computer. I have paid some bills, contacted the hospital for some questions to be answered, answered emails and now...I blog. I told myself I wasn't going to write on this thing again until I had the good news that I could scream from the mountain top. I realize I backed myself into a corner here, leaving my blog on the edge of demise. HOWEVER, I have a gambling heart and rolled the dice and now I get to announce that my baby is in REMISSION! 

I know...so fast. They came in hard and fast and wiped it gone. Out of there. Took it down. I was SO nervous to answer the phone, but the doctor had a light voice and quickly told me he had good news. WHew. As mad I am at God for presenting this challenge to us, I am equally thankful for the quick works on her body. I don't know. My religion and faith is challenged right now, so I tell my friends to pray doubly hard to cover me until I can unfold my thoughts on it all. Anyways, back on topic. SO, many people have asked if she is a go and ready to resume normal life. Unfortunately, it isn't that easy. We have to continue to surge on and follow the "recipe" that has been proven to prevent this coming back 94% in her lifetime. So, of course we continue to tackle this beast. She is now in 4 or 8 week cycles on different rounds of meds. There is one 8 week cycle that I am worried about because it sounds rough, but it isn't until a few months, so I will deal with that on another day. But, we are hoping by March that she will be back at school and we can see her being a kid again. It's the little things isn't it?

On a different note, N loves school. Like LOVES school. He thrives on treasure chests and candies for being good. He comes home every day talking of Hersey Kisses and we joke if there is an insulin kit in the treasure chest. R is making my heart sing with his success by loving his Mother's Day Out. That has been a mountain I have prepped myself on for many months and by golly, the boy likes it. He goes to chapel every day and they said he told the teacher what a Bible was. Yes, my heart is a puddle. 

So, life moves on as we know it. I have some sort of view on where we are going, which is good for me. I look forward to the weather cooling down. Someone find the sunshine...anyone and tell it hello for me:)

- Jenn

Here we go Again...

So that scare. That one that had me weak in the knees. It unfolded fast and we were not out of the woods. My baby girl was diagnosed the very next day with Luekemia. What the hell? She was light headed. I thought she looked a little pale and she had had a virus within 3 weeks of each other. So, she was showing signs of not feeling well. But, I had iron in my mind. Maybe a weird piece of mono. But, never in my mind did I expect her to be the .0065% of the nation to be in the cancer club. Man. I really can't even go into the details for my days like I did for Ryder yet. But, what I can say is that it has been a constant rollercoaster of hope and a then the valleys hit. The crying and feeling dead inside. I have turned a corner of being more at peace about things as we get a grip on things and see the tests and blood work respond beautifully to the meds. I don't want that to sound easy. The bloating, weak muscles, sadness, confusion, yucky feeling, and overall anger of this hitting my eight year old is almost too much for me. The fact that I have sworn to walk side by side with this angel is my leading force to get out of bed each morning. If she can, I can. Plus, sweet Nolan is again the child shuffled around and now Ryder. Man. Was I a bad person in another life? Did I hurt someone big? So yeah. I still am in the confusion phase and that is ok. Because I am eating again, showering on the reg, putting on make-up with some sort of routine. I hug and encourage my kids, I try to make time to talk to Jeff when I don't feel like sharing. But, since this isn't my first rodeo of a life event of terror. I know my tendencies of closing people off...and I am trying hard to not do it with such depth. My friends are chomping at the bit to help and it overwhelms me and I don't know what help means right now. But, what a lucky person to have a squad, tribe, and cheering section  waiting patiently at my side.

For now, Ellie and I am going to chop off this hair. Mine is wild and hers is falling out and we are all just annoyed with the strands tickling us as they catch on us. We are all at peace about it and so we will  get a cute trim to help take some weight off her blonde baby head.

We are waiting on a call from the office to determine remission, and Labor Day weekend has labs running s.l.o.w....ugh. Stay tuned. Forget you sun...I am in no mood for you right now.😐

Until next time.
-Jenn