We Made it Over the Hump...

Holy Mother of Delayed Intensification. We made it, y'all. I knew that we would hit a trip or two to the hospital based on what EVERYONE said. So, it was hard to sit by and watch on the sidelines as I knew something would hit my girl. And, it did. We had a night from 102 fever, which turned out to be a cold and one night. A few weeks later we hit a bad cough that I was insistent that we come in to check in to the hospital. The doctors were not as concerned, but I just asked if we could and it worked out because she needed fluid and a blood transfusion from RSV. So, I am glad to hit it head on and took care of it. I swear when we came home from our second night, it was like we walked in as new people. Her numbers had hit zero the week before and so we were trending UP. EG's white blood cells were kicked down and her body was taking over to do their thing. Praise the Lord. I HATED this phase and I now feel like a weight has been lifted. Kind of like we tipped the top of a roller coaster peak and we can start heading down. Now, I realize this ride is not over, but boy that first big loop to loop is always the scariest. We have been excited to see her hair to start coming in and setting up to start our last phase this Thursday. Then, we hit maintenance. This is a huge point where we then just get into a monthly routine and we get to go back to school and dance and anything else we were doing before August 4th. So, I am starting to relax a little. A little, mind you. I am not finding myself so confused about how we got here in the first place. Perhaps I am at peace with it. Not so shocked. And just that took a solid six months. Bad things can happen to anyone and our card was pulled. It was. So, we fight on. Day by day, we try to find our happiness again. Slowly, I am seeing the light. Praise the Lord.

Now, tell me this? Do you ever go out and feel like a wet rag? For years, I have dug deep to make it. You guys all know this because you are here. When you make it, you aren't exactly a happy, go lucky kind of gal. I used to be (I think!). Even after Ryder I found that silly part of my brain for the most part. But, geez. The whole cancer diagnosis has taken the leftover section of my brain. I went to the movies with a few good friends. Friends that are my sisters. Sisters that I trust and admire as people with good hearts and loving arms. Do you get the point? People that I can be myself around. I felt quiet. I felt like I had nothing else to talk about besides my end of things. Ellie's health, Ryder's head, Nolan having a hard time with all of our ups and downs (Which he starts play therapy this week:). And, I feel like people don't like to complain/talk to me because it is always prefaced with, "This doesn't compare with what you are going through."

Moral of my story.

What if I have lost my fun side? Even with my besties, I almost felt awkward around myself. What if people don't ever offer what is going on in their lives because they don't feel like it compares. In my eyes, it totally compares. Because that is what matters to them and what is going on. So, complain or ask advice dear friends. I will pay you a hundred dollars to do it often. It makes it feel like life is moving on as it should.

OK. I am rambling. All over the place. But, oye...that is my brain! Ha. That makes me smile. Just little glimpses of me come out, so yippee! I realize that I will be a little different, but I can't handle being quiet and not much fun. I can not. So, I will plan a damn movie date for as many weeks as it takes to make jokes and giggle at the man bun in the row ahead of us. I will make that vow to you all.

Love you guys.

Go find the sunshine, y'all.

-Jenn