Let's Get Started...

I have putting off this post. Kind of like putting off cleaning the bathroom. Just hoping you forget about it. However, the son of a gun just keeps creeping up in your "to-do" list replayed in your head.

FINE, brain. I will just do it and get the ball rolling. You get on my nerves, brain. BTW.

So, I had a healthy baby boy in the Fall of 2015. Big ol' boy, close to ten pounds and just a nugget of sweetness. I got to stay home from teaching for nine weeks and just enjoyed every moment of his kind and gentle nature. The week after Thanksgiving, my life was turned upside down. I was missing him as I went back to work and made it about a week back with getting the new normal in place of dropping him off at his child care home. Then my fresh, new baby starting throwing up. He was not able to get his nightly bottle down. We assumed the same the awful tummy bug that had been going around had hit our new bundle. Sadly, the vomiting continued and it came with an achy baby, who cried with movement and blood in his urine. After a trip to the pediatric doctor and the ER two times in two days. Ten doctors finally entered the room after the critical CT scan. An ambulance pulled up to get our baby hooked up for a transport to a different and larger hospital. They were mad and sharp. "Someone has shaken your baby", he says. We were told that the next few days would be hell and he was very sick. I dropped to my knees and literally started blacking out. It was awful, yet stamped on my brain for...forever. The smell, colors on the wall, the nurse telling me to pull in together. It's like I was in a bubble and everyone else was in slow motion. Trying to think, trying to remember...who had my baby? When was he out of our care? So, I call. I call that person and ask her, "What happened with my baby?" She has nothing to say to help. But, no time to question her then. I had to board the ambulance and my husband has to follow in our car. We drive off and I am quiet. My head tells me to talk. I am now on the defense to fight for my kid and show anyone in my path that my husband and I are innocent. 

This is when shit got real.

Ok, brain. I have to stop there. Opening this wound is hard. But, my goal is to not hold it in. Someone out there needs my story as they are embarking on a journey close to ours. I am lucky. I have an amazing husband, family, and friends that walked side by side with me. It is not lost on me to stop and be thankful for that. 

Whew. 

Now I have to go find the sunshine! For real. This wound is deep and hard, but if I can help just one person. That helps.

- Jenn